It's hard to describe,
A rare sound.
Not one I am used to.
Silence.
Silence tells it's own story.
It plays over and over in my head.
Silence makes hidden questions resume thought.
It controls my feeling.
It causes fear.
It causes peace.
Silence.
This piece was written for the purpose of giving the silence a chance. I think it is healthy to have a moment to reflect. I often find myself walking outside of a room and just closing my eyes and taking a breath. When I was in my teens I would drive to places that were completely deserted and I would experience a moment of piece from the outside world.
A time to think.
I never had a goal to think on one particular thing, I just needed to give my mind a break. I needed to release the confinements of a busy life.
My mother will tell you. I have always had to stay busy. I love doing. I have never reached my limit, although as a mother of two very active kids, I am always on the go.
Ball, whether soccer or basketball.
Piano lessons.
Theatre rehearsals.
At one time gymnastics and T-Ball.
I love being a mom more than anything else so it's been all worth it. Still is.
I did many things in my life. Things that kept me away from me for a long time. I was in a time of choices when I was young. I had many paths I could take, longed to take, but marriage and motherhood was one of them. I remember at one point lifting my hands to a close companion and saying, "this or this?" I made a choice, and I do not regret it...ever..
It has always been a joy to do for others. I don't expect things done for me and I don't want the world to revolve around me, much less the world to take over my life or the life of my children. Recently though I have made time for myself....my hopes and dreams again.
I have stepped back foot on stage with a daughter that has the same passion I have for theatre.
I have been involved in writing, in all ways.
I have worshiped the only way I know how; through music and lyrics that speak words of comfort and love.
My God, I love to worship you...
But...I was still walking away from silence.
Iv'e been keeping my distance.
Until now.
I wanted to share a piece of poetry I have written. I started it off at the beginning of this post. The rest is below. I have never shared a lot of my writings/lyrics, but I hope you get what you need from it. Keep in mind it is poetry. It is meant to be interpreted. It can mean one thing to one person and one thing to another.
I deal with a lot of anxiety. So to me this piece is POWERFUL, and within itself a thoughtful reflection of my mind at best...
When is the last time you heard it,
The sound of silence?
You have to want it.
You have to search for it.
You have to allow it to control you.
Silence.
I have so many questions.
I worry.
I wonder, I think.
I can't help but want to know.
Who else out there is hearing what I hear,
Feeling what I feel,
Seeing what I see,
Longing what I long for,
Knowing what I long to know?
Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
Am I just a speck?
Am I only dust?
I can't find it.
I can't find what I am listening for.
I can't find what I am searching for.
Am I listening for something?
Am I hearing something?
What do I do?
Where can I go?
Am I alone?
Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
Silence.
Listen.
Silence takes control.
I am not alone.
I am not alone.
What do you want from me, silence?
Tell me, I need to know.
Silence.
Look around.
Can you see it?
Can you feel it?
Do you believe it?
What beauty I see.
What wonders unfold.
The color.
The light.
The sound.
I am searching.
I am holding on to faith.
Are you there,
Silence?
It is there.
It is whispering to me.
It is the beat of my heart,
The breath that I breathe.
It is all around.
I have control.
I hear you.
I see you.
I know you.
I found you.
Silence.
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