Did you see me...
Scrounging in my purse for my work keys while my children wait in annoyance?
Did you see me...
Steering around isle two of the grocery store like a badass with no smile?
Did you see me...
Roll my eyes while my child cried at the checkout line while I ignored her calling my name?
Did you see me...
Sit in silence at a family function with nothing to say and no energy at all?
OR
Did you notice....
The freshly cleaned clothes, jackets zipped up, double knotted shoes, backpacks with homework completed, folders checked, and the extra bags hanging on my arm full of uniforms, water bottles, and ball shoes. Or did you possibly notice the lunchboxes full of lunchables, yogurts, applesauce, snacks, napkins, silverware and notes expressing the hopes of a good day and I love you?
Did you notice...
The buggy full of strawberries, chocolate chip muffin mix, favorite cereals and toaster strudels. Or maybe the much needed school supplies for my kids and my classroom, special teacher gifts, Clorox wipes, laundry detergent, children's medicines, and the phone call to home asking my family if they needed anything else, all the while I am still in my work clothes and it is 10 p.m.?
Did you notice...
The conversation with my child on the way to the store that I WOULD NOT buy her a toy at the store and that we were ONLY buying Christmas presents for a family that needs it more than she does...or the following statement about all the children around the world that do not have all the things that she has and to always be thankful for the things given to her?
Did you notice...
The two hours of sleep I had the night before because my child was up with a stuffy nose, earache, and two nose bleeds. Or full day of entertaining 20 young and eager students that crave attention and love and all my energy for 7 hours straight, all the while reflecting on the day that I could have done better to meet the needs of every child. Not to mention the pounding headache that needed an evening in a dark and silent room, but I found it more important to visit with family and would hate to disappoint yet another human being?
Did I hear...
The whispers, the remarks, the negative voices expressing their opinion on how I treat, react, and raise my children?
Did I hear...
The comments that I am not paying attention, show no love, do to much, over think everything, or need to chill out?
OR
Did I feel...
The warmth of a small hand touch my face following the delicate head that gently placed itself on my shoulder?
Did I feel...
Down deep in my soul the words of I love you so much, mommy, as arms wrapped around my body which then placed all the pieces of my soul back together again?
Perception, awareness, appreciation, realization, acknowledgment, and understanding
V.S.
judgmental, critical, disapproving, negative, hurtful, deprecating, and fault-finding...
Thank God I have my children's love.
Thank God they need me so much.
Thank God no matter how many times I say no and however many threats of punishment and consequences I give them before they lay their head down at night they need to see my face and have me tuck them in.
Thank God that whomever speaks words that push me down, step on my heart, or break me into a million pieces I have my children express they could not live without me.
Thank God for trees that make paper for sweet letters and drawings.
Thank God for the soft and warm hands that know how to hold.
Thank God for the arms that wrap around me like a blanket.
Thank God for the words that small voices speak, to make me feel like I have a purpose in this BIG, B U S Y, wild and unfair world.
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